goodbye.

Goodbye is the only word in the English language that has the ability to send a genuine shiver down my spine. It is the only word to cause that painful, visceral reaction of the diaphragm, and to thicken the air traveling to my lungs. For a minute, it seems as though this feeling will never be forgotten. But after a moment, it is tucked away into the deepest depths- gone- and so are you. And there goes half of me, too. I cannot begin to recall how many times I have said or heard goodbye, perhaps because my mind has masked these moments, or left these memories to melt away.

In recent years, goodbye has not been a word used infrequently, or spoken lightly. Hello is said only halfheartedly, with the anticipation of the close goodbye looming. And each syllable of each word burns the tip of the tongue as it passes by. Goodbyes have come in a vast variety of forms: goodbyes for now, goodbyes forever, goodbyes for always. It is far too difficult for me to determine my most favorite. But now, in this wide turn of events, I say goodbye, consumed wholly by the thought of the hellos to come. I say goodbye, knowing it is only for a little while, and certainly for the best. And I say goodbye, knowing that this word will not change anything.

When all goodbyes are said and done, I have only this more to say: May my next hello be the first, your last hello be the next, and our next goodbye be our last.

New Post (and a Slew of Questions)

It has been far too long since my last post, and it's about time for another one. One month later, and I still have no idea where this is going. But, at the request of others, and my own commitment to this exercise, I vowed that I would spit out some string of meaningless phrases by midnight tonight.

So, to be completely cliche, and quote Carrie Bradshaw herself,  let me say that "I got to thinking about fate." Carrie calls it "that crazy concept that we're not really responsible for the course our lives take," but I call it "that thing that just confuses me because how am I supposed to make decisions if everything is going to turn out the same way in the end anyway." Or is it? To me, it seems like going in two wildly different directions would lead to two wildly different results. That seems to make the most logical sense. For example, wouldn't it be likely that my career path would be different had I gone to a small liberal arts school rather than a large university to major in engineering? Sure. But if my ultimate goal is to start my own company and make my own stamp on the world, wouldn't that be the result of either education? A-ha! Fate...? Or just the result of a one-track mind? So, if every path leads to one end, why does it matter what I do now or how I do it? Shouldn't I just pick the easiest major, spend less time studying, and wait it out until that I reach that end eventually? I guess that's just not who I am.

But last week, I had an idea. I was sitting in my Systems class, and actually enjoying what we were learning. Professor S was wrapping up his topic on Heuristic Methods, talking about the dilemma of the traveling salesman, and optimizing the open or closed path of travel over a given number of cities. His example was a puzzle; and I like puzzles. This doesn't happen every day, but every once in a while, in some class, I'll find something that sparks my interest. Then, I thought, what if I wrote these all down and found some common thread between them? Would I then know what my underlying interests are? Maybe. But what could brownian motion, heuristic methods, puzzles, game theory, fractals, and computers have in common? The irony here is that I believe the connection lies in Systems Science & Engineering. Fate? I think I'm going to have to let you decide.