Last Post

This will be my last blog post; at least of this kind, in this forum. Clearly I have been neglectful, and I almost feel like an intruder of this blog. I guess I could chalk that up to feeling a little like a different person since the last time I wrote. But I thought it was important to write again, even if it is just one more time. It would be such a shame to leave Sarah untitled forever, etched into the Internet as a sad little story to be stumbled upon by hungry web surfers.

I may not have kept up with my blogging during my spring internship, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t blog-worthy. I think it’s safe to say that Media Armor is by far the coolest company in AdTech. And Boston? Well, let's just say I will never forget this semester. 

Have you ever had one of those moments where you finally realize why all the things you hate doing or are scared of doing are important? I have never had that moment with anything I have learned in school. Differential equations? NOT APPLICABLE. But I think I had that moment the other day when I realized that talking to new people just wasn't so scary anymore. N and I just moved to St. Louis last week to get the restaurant up and going, and we have been excited and thrilled to tell everyone around town about it. I crave the moment when someone new asks what brings us to the Midwest. I'm making phone calls all day, and my heart rate never quickens. Not even a little. 

Someone special once told me that no matter what, you always know more than the person you're talking to. Plus, if they do know more, it's probably because they're selling you a product or service. Whether or not that's true, I think if you convince yourself it is, you really can't lose. I guess it really is about confidence, or practice, or practicing confidence? Any kind of practical experience will do - and school doesn't remotely provide that. 

A little part of me wished I could stay forever, keep working, and never look back. While I would probably be just fine, hopefully become very successful, and likely never regret the decision, everyone needs a backup plan, right? Or two, if you're interested in opening a restaurant on the side...

As an aside, I would like to say that I also realized this semester how ridiculously young I really am. It felt normal to be doing so many grown-up things, and to have so much responsibility, but it always made me giggle when I remembered that I'm 19. 

In conclusion of my utterly uneventful blog, I would like to leave my handful of readers with some form of closure. The main reason that I'm ending this blog now, is that I know now what I am. I guess I sort of have a title, which, obviously, makes me no longer untitled. I really learned a lot in the last six months - about what I am, and who I am, and what I like to do.

So what am I? I am an entrepreneur; a learner, a programmer, an account manager. I am a student, an engineer, and a friend. I am energetic, and weird, and slightly out of my mind. I do too many things at once, and I will never change. 

But who I am? Well, that's for me to know.

I Am a Bad Blogger

I think it is clear at this point that I am not a very dedicated blogger. To my awesomely dedicated fans: I'm sorry to make the wait drag on. To that effect, here is a shout out that is much deserved: L, you are my biggest blog fan, and you are too awesome for words. Enough said :) K, you are my greatest example, and my favorite blogging sister. Ok, favorite sister overall. N, you are my inspiration and this blog would not exist if you were not there to read it.

Now, moving on to bigger and better things: I got hired for a spring internship! This spring, starting in January, I will be working for a brand new, Boston-based internet start-up in the mobile and online advertising space. I really could not have asked for a better opportunity. As long as I am littering this post with shout outs, I may as well say: Thank you to all who helped in this stressful process, to those who supported me, and to those who are excited for me. I know I'm excited. I can't even begin to think about what it will be like to pick up everything and move hundreds of miles away. But, with new found distance comes new found proximity. At last, a real city! New friends, old friends, great food, and no homework! In just a few days, it will be time to wrap up sophomore year.

Just one more paragraph for good measure. Hopefully, with the new job, a few weeks at home, and new activities, I will find myself with far more material with which to entertain you. Fingers crossed for funnier stories, deeper realizations and more exciting events. Again, if you are reading this, I thank you for your loyalty. I am proud to call you all my biggest fans (in life, as well as blog world).

goodbye.

Goodbye is the only word in the English language that has the ability to send a genuine shiver down my spine. It is the only word to cause that painful, visceral reaction of the diaphragm, and to thicken the air traveling to my lungs. For a minute, it seems as though this feeling will never be forgotten. But after a moment, it is tucked away into the deepest depths- gone- and so are you. And there goes half of me, too. I cannot begin to recall how many times I have said or heard goodbye, perhaps because my mind has masked these moments, or left these memories to melt away.

In recent years, goodbye has not been a word used infrequently, or spoken lightly. Hello is said only halfheartedly, with the anticipation of the close goodbye looming. And each syllable of each word burns the tip of the tongue as it passes by. Goodbyes have come in a vast variety of forms: goodbyes for now, goodbyes forever, goodbyes for always. It is far too difficult for me to determine my most favorite. But now, in this wide turn of events, I say goodbye, consumed wholly by the thought of the hellos to come. I say goodbye, knowing it is only for a little while, and certainly for the best. And I say goodbye, knowing that this word will not change anything.

When all goodbyes are said and done, I have only this more to say: May my next hello be the first, your last hello be the next, and our next goodbye be our last.

New Post (and a Slew of Questions)

It has been far too long since my last post, and it's about time for another one. One month later, and I still have no idea where this is going. But, at the request of others, and my own commitment to this exercise, I vowed that I would spit out some string of meaningless phrases by midnight tonight.

So, to be completely cliche, and quote Carrie Bradshaw herself,  let me say that "I got to thinking about fate." Carrie calls it "that crazy concept that we're not really responsible for the course our lives take," but I call it "that thing that just confuses me because how am I supposed to make decisions if everything is going to turn out the same way in the end anyway." Or is it? To me, it seems like going in two wildly different directions would lead to two wildly different results. That seems to make the most logical sense. For example, wouldn't it be likely that my career path would be different had I gone to a small liberal arts school rather than a large university to major in engineering? Sure. But if my ultimate goal is to start my own company and make my own stamp on the world, wouldn't that be the result of either education? A-ha! Fate...? Or just the result of a one-track mind? So, if every path leads to one end, why does it matter what I do now or how I do it? Shouldn't I just pick the easiest major, spend less time studying, and wait it out until that I reach that end eventually? I guess that's just not who I am.

But last week, I had an idea. I was sitting in my Systems class, and actually enjoying what we were learning. Professor S was wrapping up his topic on Heuristic Methods, talking about the dilemma of the traveling salesman, and optimizing the open or closed path of travel over a given number of cities. His example was a puzzle; and I like puzzles. This doesn't happen every day, but every once in a while, in some class, I'll find something that sparks my interest. Then, I thought, what if I wrote these all down and found some common thread between them? Would I then know what my underlying interests are? Maybe. But what could brownian motion, heuristic methods, puzzles, game theory, fractals, and computers have in common? The irony here is that I believe the connection lies in Systems Science & Engineering. Fate? I think I'm going to have to let you decide.

All Hallow's Eve

With Halloween almost upon us, and blog topics running slim, I spent some time thinking about the holiday, and what it has meant to me over the years. When I was little, my sister K and I would beg daddy to let us carve our little masterpieces on the front porch. We would wield our daggers, dangerously grabbing them with our untrained hands until dad would rush over to guide us, suggesting that maybe we trace our desired design, and allow him to do the grunt work. Ok, daddy. Mommy would collect the sticky bowls of seeds and bake them while we worked away, daddy's little minions. Trick-or-treating was an event, to say the least, with carefully planned routes to hit all of the full-sized candy bar houses, and those who offered more than three pieces per costume. But as time went on, bobbing for apples became just a spreader of diseases, and asking for candy felt awkward and bum-like. Trick-or-treating evolved quickly into illicit parties, or occasionally, and unfortunately, SAT prep course make-up sessions. And pumpkins, doctors, and teachers turned ever-too-quickly into slutty pumpkins, slutty doctors, and some very slutty teachers. I can't say I don't miss the childhood Halloweens, but these ones aren't so bad. Last year I experienced my first college Halloween, filled with deception, mystery, and excitement, but not without drama. One year later, and I guess you could say I've recovered, and am ready to face it again. Slutty...construction worker? Or something to that effect. All fingers crossed, maybe this year can top them all.

Purple: an Unrelated Title

My father once told me that being a good leader does not always mean doing what has been done before just because that is what has always been done, and that is what is expected. But, maybe "expected" isn't quite the right word. This is not to discredit my father, because he really is truly inspiring, and he is absolutely right. But maybe, in many cases, being a good leader means not doing what has been done before simply because it is what is accepted. People (and I use this very general word intentionally), at least in our society, have a tendency to judge, and to avoid their own judgment by conforming to some accepted ideal. Disclaimer: This is not a brooding rant to suggest that we should all rebel and be free spirits and lose all sense of structure in our society. This is merely an observation; one that I do not excuse myself from. I do not think in any way that I am exempt from either side of this rule: I judge, and I conform to those who judge. I fully admit that. But maybe, just by making small, incremental changes, we could change ourselves and each other and create a more positive environment. Every time one human is swayed by the behavior of another, we create an epic domino effect. Sometimes that affect is positive. For example, a viral video promoting the support towards a cure for breast cancer. And sometimes, quite often, the effect is negative. We have come to follow each other, simply because it is easier, and because we avoid judgment this way. I do want to be a good leader, and a strong self-advocate. Maybe if we all thought for ourselves, trusted our own instincts, and did what we knew was right, everyone would smile just a little bit more.

Fall Break, Miami and Jungshin

"Cut, cut, cut!" yelled the instructor. "I want to see some strength behind those power cuts. Now drop your swords and give me 30 jumping jacks!"
All 10 of us placed our wooden sword replicas down between the healthy blades of grass and jumped. We were practicing the art of Jungshin, a modern mix between Eastern martial arts and Western exercise, where one focuses on the connection between man and weapon, and on building muscles you never thought you had, or at least, had never used before.
This was a new class offered at my parents' getaway condo in Miami Beach, where my boyfriend N and I were visiting them for fall break. I left the class fairly confident that I would not likely venture it again, but that is not to say that no lessons were learned, or experiences gained. And you know how much I love those lessons...
There was something almost therapeutic about the rhythm of the sword traveling up, back and down, over and over again. With each strike, the silhouette of your target became more clear, and the burden of the weapon less apparent. The pain in your wrists and ache in your forearms faded with every added ounce of satisfaction in each completed swing. And in the simplicity of each symmetric set, there was a peacefulness, a wholesomeness, so very juxtapose to the aggression of the act.
I may enjoy the endorphin rush of a good run, or the muscle burn after a session of heavy lifting, but mixing things up can be good for anyone.